Coming Out…After You Already Have

It’s a serious understatement to say there’s a lot that goes into transitioning. And for every anticipated hurdle, there are unexpected challenges that come along. One such challenge is the awkwardness of associating with acquaintances when you’re mid or post-transition.

For example…friends from other robotics teams that you only see at competitions.

Imagine this: you’re at a competition, and you approach a team’s pit to say hi to friends you made the last time you competed with this team. Maybe you were on the same alliance or shared parts or just got to talking about scouting in your downtime. You hang out every time you compete together, but you don’t really talk outside of that. Since the last time you saw them, you’ve come out as trans and started transitioning. You’ve started going by a different name and pronouns and changed your appearance. You go up and say hi, and they greet you excitedly….by your dead name. This is uncomfortable, but you have the option to let it pass if your transition isn’t something you want to address. Until one of your teammates comes to get you for help with something and calls you by your preferred name. Suddenly, your friend from another team has all these questions, and you’re in a difficult position where you’re more or less forced to come out.

Being trans isn’t all that someone is, but it’s often forced to the forefront of their identity because of the conflict between who they are and who they used to be. This is especially prevalent when it comes to interactions with people who aren’t privy to all the intimate details of your day to day life.

I began socially transitioning in my senior year of high school, but robotics was always somewhere where I was walking on eggshells because of the climate of my team. Because of this, I wasn’t out to most of the people I associated with at FIRST events. Fast forward a year, and I’m an active alumnus of the program and still volunteer at events. Without the pressure of my team, I’m no longer in the closet and exclusively using my preferred name and pronouns. Because of this, paired with the fact that hormone replacement therapy has started to take effect, I’m finding myself having these conversations more than I ever have before. Being forced to discuss your identity under any circumstances can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it is especially so when it’s unexpected and out of your control.

After going through this same song and dance enough times, I’ve gotten it down to a science. Here are the six pieces of advice I have for maneuvering these encounters more comfortably.

  1. Bring it up the first time they dead name or misgender you (or the first time they witness you being referred to by the right name/pronouns). Reintroduce yourself with name and pronouns. “Actually, I go by —— and use —— pronouns” is fairly straightforward and usually well received. If you tiptoe around the subject and wait to bring it up, it makes the conversation even more uncomfortable when you finally get around to it.
  2. Keep it short. Getting into drawn out conversations about how long you’ve felt this way or your plans for transition make a brief encounter into torture, and once you’ve done it a few times, it becomes tedious. If they’re someone who you’re interested in discussing it with further, set aside a different time to have that conversation.
  3. Be secure in yourself, and learn when to walk away. At the end of the day, you know who you are. You may like these people, but they’re clearly not an important enough part of your life that you came out to them specifically, so if they don’t accept you, it’s okay to move on. You’re going to have to come out to a lot of people in your life, and it’s okay to not associate with those who don’t accept you.
  4. Don’t do it alone if you don’t have to. Telling someone your name/pronouns has a stronger immediate impact when paired with exposing them to your interactions with people who are already respecting your preferred name/pronouns. They’re more likely to get it right, which makes the interaction better for everyone involved.
  5. Don’t let the interaction escalate into a scene. The middle of the pits might not be the best place to have this conversation, so if it means taking them somewhere more quiet/private, do so. At the end of the day, you’re simply correcting a misconception they had about you, not making the biggest announcement of your life. It doesn’t have to be everyone else’s business.
  6. When possible, be proactive. To avoid these situations entirely, it can often be beneficial to make your identity public after you’ve become comfortable enough being out. Posting broadly to social media or reaching out to people individually, even people you have limited interactions with, on your own terms gives control of the situation back to you. It’s daunting to think about coming out to everyone. After all, the same is not required when someone comes out as gay or bi, for example, because sexuality doesn’t have to be at the forefront like changing name/pronouns or physically transitioning does. However, taking that initiative can limit future awkward interactions and make transitioning more smooth.

Being mid-transition is awkward and uncomfortable and challenging. You have to face unwanted attention for just being yourself. But it shouldn’t limit you from doing the things you love or seeing people that matter to you. You’ll always have to be coming out to someone…just don’t let those interactions define how you live your life.


Rookie Team Diversity

My team recently celebrated the conclusion of our fourth year in FIRST by sending off a group of eight seniors. Looking back on the original group of 17 or so students who joined as rookies, I took note of the exceptional talent of the team. The coach who started the team scoured the school for the best and the brightest students who he believed had the proper knowledge in mechanical, electrical, and software engineering. Our school, a private school with a decently difficult entry exam, is fairly competitive when it comes to engineering and mathematics departments; over the past four years, our team has acquired multiple fantastic people who do excellent work in their fields. With our alumni going into engineering fields at prestigious colleges, it would be safe to say that our robotics team values academic proficiency.

But as you’ve all heard at every competition you have been to and as you’re about to hear again, FIRST isn’t just about the robot.

With the robot as priority number one on our team, various fields such as logistics, spirit, and marketing are strictly volunteer based. Existing members of the team find time to work on these fields, but they aren’t as valued on the team as the robot is, so they are not often as proficiently done as they could be. The coach searched the school for the scholars in only specific fields, but because robotics is just seen as building a robot, the team became focused strictly on that, which brings me to my issue.

Reflecting on the original team as well as even our current team, I realized that the team isn’t exactly as diverse as it could be. Less than a quarter of the team are women, only two people (including me) are LGBTQ+, racial diversity is only barely okay, and there are no nonbinary students. In addition, there were no LGBTQ+ students on the team until I joined two years ago, so there is definitely more that could be done about diversity on our team.  I didn’t really expect this because coming from a progressive and diverse school, I would expect the robotics team to have a little more diversity, but nobody seems to value it. It’s not that our team has any hatred towards anyone — in fact my team is very accepting of me and the other student — but the team’s image is not one of a diverse group of people.

When starting a rookie team, you become desperate to build a robot, which is what my coach did. Because of this, the search for students didn’t extend to the different fields it could have. FIRST isn’t just about the robot, but our original team didn’t know that. FIRST has many different opportunities that attract people from all walks of life, expanding the capability to be a diverse community, but when starting or joining a rookie team, not everyone knows about their diverse potential.

To solve this issue, I recommend improving your team’s outreach. Outreach is how our team started; the coach went around our school and found the scholars in engineering that would make good team members, but this could be improved. Improving outreach includes advocating to people that FIRST has so many other things to offer other than the robot. Try to get people interested by telling them about fields like marketing, community service, education, and many more opportunities. Advertise FIRST for what it really is: a family composed of various professions and expertises. This isn’t to disparage my team or other rookie teams that prioritize the robot, because that does open the opportunity for some talented individuals to join the team. What I’m saying is that mentality doesn’t offer as much diversity as a team could have. In short, my point is when starting or joining a rookie team, make an effort to emphasize diversity from the start. Make clear to people that FIRST isn’t just about the robot, and you’ll ultimately get more people interested in robotics. Again, I don’t want to diminish the efforts of teams like mine who prioritize the technical aspects of FIRST, but a more diverse environment will only be achieved by reaching out to more people in different professions and the rookie years of a team are often the best times to achieve this goal.

Happy Pride Month!

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Happy Pride Month!

Once again, it’s June which means it’s a great time to attend pride festivals, remember our history, and advocate for our future. Here at LGBTQ+ of FIRST, we’re excited to keep building our organization and visibility throughout FIRST programs. It may be the offseason, but we’re keeping busy with administrative streamlining, getting ready for brand new staff members, and gearing up for FIRST seasons to start right back up again.

This month, look forward to learning about our past, our present, and our future. Keep an eye out for individual stories, as well as some talk about our community as a whole!

Thank you for supporting us and we look forward to a whole month of love, equality, and of course, pride!


Your LGBTQ+ of FIRST Staff

Staff Applications Open!

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Ambassador applications are open year round. Representative and Admin applications are open for the month of May 2018!

This year, we’ve made a few changes to our structure. Ambassadors are now only responsible for outreach, such as handing out pins and brochures at competitions. Representatives will take a larger role in content creation and organization, and the position is now open to alumni, volunteers, mentors, and other involved FIRSTers!

All of our documentation is in the process of being updated – but we wanted to make sure that you could apply right after Championships! If you have any questions, please contact us.

Decisions will be received by the second week of June at the latest.

Apply now!